Roanoke Church of Christ

Month: August 2010

“NEW LIFE” BULLETIN – VOL. 22, NO. 31&32 – CHRISTIANS WIN!

Imagine that headline after a not-to-far-in-the-future election. There are those who say this is a Christian nation. Not true, but I won’t get in to that. For now, let’s just imagine the Christian Party finally gained the White House and both House and Senate. Newly elected President Goodfellow has called elected Christians in to began to form his cabinet.

“Well gentlemen, we have finally reached the day when we can take back America for the Lord! It is our task today to establish a controlling cabinet for the future of this country. Any suggestions? Senator Armory.”

“Mr. President, I know the Christians of the great state of Texas want to be sure we have a strong military. I think we should decide national defense first. We want to be sure all them towel-head Muslims don’t take our country away from us.”

“Good idea, Dallas. Are we going to increase the military budget as well as develop new arms? It will raise taxes. Senator Truman, do you have an idea?”

“Just a question Mr. President. We ran on a Christian platform and were elected to bring the country back to Christ. I thought that meant we would use Jesus and his teachings as the foundation for our new government. Am I right?”

“Of course. What’s you point.”

“Well, in Jesus’ sermon on the mount he not to resist the evil person, and he said we are to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. And both the apostle Paul and Peter say we are not to return evil for evil. Combine that with Jesus’ statement about blessed are the peacemakers, and I’m wondering how we can create a Christian  national defense.”

“Well…. Yes, Senator Strong.”

“Senator Truman. I know you were elected by the people of Massachusetts. I also know you’re Hawvad educated, I want to say that your Yankee ways will not go over with the real Christians that elected us, especially those from the great state of Alabama, which sent me here to bring this nation back to Gawd, and that is what I intend to do!”

“Senators! Let’s table national defense for awhile and settle down with something perhaps a little easier. Yes, Senator Truman.”

“Before we move on that I was wondering how many Catholics we have in the room? They are also Christians.”

“Mr. President, Senator Andrews from New York is catholic. Do you want him invited in to help us plan the future?”

“I would object to that Mr President.  As you may remember, when JFK was elected, many of those who put us in office were afraid the Pope would be running the country. I don’t think it would be a good idea. After all, they elected us. Senator Andrews was an incumbent.”

“Well then, what about Senator Leiberwitz?”

“Senator Leiberwitz is a Jew, and a Republican.”

“That’s what many of us were before we started the Christian Party. But nearly all those who put us in office are fundamentalist, evangelical Christians. They believe the Jews are God’s people and that we must help them get their land back so the Lord can return.”

“Senator Truman, as a former pastor, I can tell you don’t understand that position. The Jews must be in Israel, prepared for Lord’s return. That doesn’t mean the Jews in America, unless they would all go home and help prepare the way of the Lord there. Christians sympathetic to the Jews do not see them as Christians. They must accept Christ as their personal savior for that to happen.”

“Senators, lets move on something else. What about Health, Education and Welfare?”

“Senator Straight. How does Arkansas feel about that?”

“Mr. President, the Lord said the person who will not work will not eat. I can tell you this, I’m sick and tired of deadbeats havin’ all them kids an’ sittin’ on their duffs collectin’ welfare. We got to nip it in the bud. That’s why we’ve been handed this opportunity to take back the country for God just as the writers of the Constitution wanted it!”

“Senator Straight, does that mean having slaves?”

“You’re out of order Mr. Truman! And I would remind you that the New Testament does not condemn slavery!”

“Mr President. Since we are talking about the poor, not the lazy, I would remind the senators that concern for the poor is the number one subject in the whole Bible. Jesus said in Matthew 5:42, ‘Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.’ How will we tell the Wall Street bankers to implement that? And Jesus also told a wealthy man to sell all he had and give to the poor. Will we encourage the wealthy to share? What if they don’t? Will we tax them to get it done? And in Acts Paul was told by the Church not to neglect the poor, and he said it was the very thing he was eager to do. Then there’s the that time in the early church when in Acts it says they sold what they had and they had all things in common. And, don’t forget the letter of James. In it he wrote that if we see a person hungry and without clothes and do not help, our religion is dead. And finally, Jesus himself said if we see the naked and hungry and feed them, we are feeding him. And, if we don’t do it we are denying him and he will deny us on the day of judgement. Is that the Christian platform for Health, Education and Welfare?”

“Senator Truman! I must warn you that such talk is insidious and causes me to believe you might be a pinko commie! Those who elected you did not really know you! I’m sure they wanted a real Christian to represent Massachusetts! We have been given the power to change this country! The people will do what we say. It is just like church. The Elders, or the Board of Deacons tell the people what to believe and who are real Christians, and they abide by it! They, as Christians know they are to obey their leaders! If you can’t agree with that, I suggest you leave! And shaking the dust off your shoes doesn’t impress me at all!”
Keith   kswrev@aol.com

CONCERNS: Myron Dugan had surgery on his ear last Tuesday. It was not a melanoma, but basil cell. He will have to stay in for awhile. A fellow employee of Jeff Bland, Thomas Major,  has asked for prayers for his father. The Smiths have a neighbor who is having health problems. Trisha, a friend of the Bolin’s is going through a divorce and needs prayer. The son of one of Judy McWhorter’s is being treated for cancer. Sylvia, one of the dentists at Health Talents is having her first child at the age of 40 and asks for prayers. Joanne Elder, as she looks for work. Martha Foy’s dad, Joni Beach’s mother, Betty Voss, (cancer) Connie Crites father is critical. Pam Pierce is able to travel a little as she strengthens for upcoming surgery. Zona Fisher (blood pressure) and her two brothers, Tim and Roger who have cancer. Polly Altice is being checked to see if she is a kidney transplant candidate. Her son James (cancer) Isabelle Simmons is responding well to treatment for leukemia. Helen Nicklas, Wayne Phlegar is having some breathing problems. The Phlegar’s friend, Julie, is slowly recovering from a stroke. Roger Fisher’s nephew, (cancer) Barbara McCauley (a long, slow recovery) Jeni and Wilma Cullum. Tim Elder and the work of all agencies that are ministering to people around the world.
OUR DAILY BREAD: AUGUST 16-21
Monday: Matthew 22:1-22
Tuesday: Colossians 1:21-2:7
Wednesday: John ^;52-71
Thursday: Romans 7:1-12
Friday: Matthew 23:1-22
Saturday: Psalm 127:1-5
OUR DAILY BREAD: AUGUST 23-27
Monday: Matthew 22:23-40
Tuesday: John 2:13-25
Wednesday: Proverbs 3:1-18
Thursday: Jonah 2:1-10
Friday: Matthew 23:23-39
Saturday: Psalm 23
A WAY TO HELP
Richard Crites has informed us of a program by which the Rescue Mission can be helped in their work. If you shop at Kroger you can go to the Rescue Mission and buy ($5) a Kroger gift card. Then at Kroger you can add whatever amount of money you want. You get the $5 back as you use the card. The Rescue Mission will get 5% of what you spend. If you shop at Food Lion, all you have to do is get on their website @foodlionmvprewards.com and register the Mission’s coda: 252263 on your MVP card. The Mission will also get 5% from Food Lion.
Richard has two starter cards he has purchased for Kroger. He is also going to pick up a few more. This is a great way to help those who really need it. So if you will, see him

By the way, if you have a credit card that gives you rewards, you can use you card to add money to he gift cards and receive something back. Either way, you can’t lose.

SUPER SUNDAY
This Sunday (8/15) is Super Sunday.  Be sure to stay for the fellowship meal Following the morning service.
STEERING COMMITTEE MEETING
The steering committee will meet following the fellowship meal. If you have something that needs to be addressed, see one of the steering committee members.
LABOR DAY WEEKEND BAR B QUE
Once again we are planning the Labor Day Weekend Bar B Que. It will be on Saturday, September 4. The time of the meal will be about 3:00PM.

As before, the meat pork, beef brisket, and chicken) will be provided. Bring all the regular fixin’s that go with a picnic. Chef Jeff has some big plans for this year. One of them is we will be starting the cooking earlier, so the brisket will be fork tender. Invite your friends.

DON’T FORGET
The Refugee and Immigration Services needs all kinds of things to help settle people in the city. You may have seen that a storage shed full of items was stuck by lightening and burned. A list of their needs is on the foyer table